Family Pic Nov 2015

Family Pic Nov 2015

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Another two days at the orphanage

Yesterday and today we visited the orphanage.  Yesterday, Avery's nanny was not there.  We notice that Avery's behavior is much more mischievious when she is absent.  We brought some balloons again, and took the suggestion of not tying them, so she can let go and watch them wizz around while the air is going out.  She did seem to like this for a while.  But then she let go of one and it gained such height as it let the air out, that it landed on a roof.  She REALLY wanted us to get it down and even brought it up again today.  We obviously couldn't get it.  Kacey was off playing with a few of the other kids and had tied one balloon off for them.  Avery instantly saw this, ran over, grabbed it, and had it popped in no time flat.  It seems to be a bit of a compulsion/obsession of hers.  Towards the end of our visit, when all the other kids go in for lunch, we tried to get her to sit with us and calm down a bit.  She is always moving and we want to try to see if she can sit calmly with us for a bit.....especially if she is going to have to sit through long train/plane rides to get home.  She did fairly well.  She did sit on our laps, but was moving from lap to lap and in constant fidgety motion.....baby steps!

When we arrived today, the first thing we did was have Edward ask the nanny if we could take Avery for a walk.  She said that it was fine as long as we stayed in the shade.  This was certainly okay with us as it was turning into quite a hot day.  I think today is supposed to hit 100.  Thankfully, most of the play areas are covered in plenty of shade.  So Steve and I left Kacey and Evan, who were already engaged in play with some of the other kids, and took Avery for a walk up the shaded, dirt road along the orphanage grounds.  She seemed to enjoy this!  She walked between us, holding our hands the whole way.  Upon returning, we did the usual pushing on the swing, the merry-go-round, and playing with the toys we bring.

When all the kids went in for lunch today, Avery decided she was finished with playing nicely.  She started chucking all the toys over the fence.  We assumed she did this just to watch us go fetch them.  When she got no reaction from this, she decided to start turning over play structures and playpens to presumably get us to stop her.  This was typical behavior that Aaron presented during our visits a little over a year ago.

Her nanny was inside....it was just us.  How can she push our buttons?  Kacey made her pick up the slide she tipped over.  She complied, but ran over to the playpen, to topple it.  Kacey stopped her and she laughed.  Kacey held out her hand for Avery to take it to come with her.  Since she was not eliciting an angry, rebuking response from us, she decided to smack Kacey's hand.  Kacey sternly took Avery's hands and told her "nyet!"  Now she had her.

This is where her fun begins.  Avery started trying to bite and pinch Kacey's hands to get her to let go.  When Kacey let go and started walking away, Avery ran up behind her and smacked her in the lower back.  Kacey turned around and held her hands again, this time not letting go as quickly.  Now Avery started crying and throwing a fit.  Kacey held firm and brought her to me.  I pulled her kicking and thrashing onto my lap and just tried to hold her still.  She was screaming, biting, and throwing her head hard against my chest.  I reacted the same way I did with Aaron.  I simply contained her lovingly until she calmed down, so she knew she was not going to win the battle, and praised her when she did calm down.  In a matter of a minute, the fit was over and she was decidedly going to be nice again.  Fun, fun!!!!

21 comments:

  1. Praying that God give you patience and wisdom as you prepare to bring her home and the journey that will be. Praising God for the lessons he taught you with Aaron, preparing you for these times. Love you!

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    1. Thanks for the encouraging words!

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    2. Check out the fourth picture down. I was trying to engage her in playing with the fashion polly type "fairies." She had successfully put a hat on the fairy and I had just finished praising her. Her next action, that Steve caught in the picture so perfectly, is her taking the hat off and provokingly and gleefully tossing it.

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  2. So thankful for the love you are showing that precious baby! She will blossom with you.

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    1. Thanks for the vote of confidence....we need it : )

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  3. You know I was just thinking that I hoped she would have a hissy fit while you were still there so you would have an idea what she did and how to calm her. It's a good thing to be prepared. :)

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    1. I knew it was coming.....and kind of hoping we could get some of these battles out of the way before I need to travel with her. But its a delicate balance with not legally being her mother yet and having so many eyes and ears on us during our visits.

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  4. Acting out like that with you sure shows a new comfort level for her...it's a blessing in some ways! What child doesn't push our buttons at some point!? I'm so glad that she responds well to the loving, calming techniques you are using with her! And what a blessing to have Kacey with you!! She will have a head start on helping Avery redirect herself!! Continued prayers! (((BIG HUGS)))!!

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    1. It is a blessing indeed! I hope and pray that she continues to respond to this same technique we used wih Aaron. It certainly worked for him.....he is a very sweet and obedient little boy and everyone who meets him, loves him to pieces. But very early on he needed to go through a process of learning that I love him dearly, but I am the boss! Kacey is a wonderful big sister and will be to Avery. It is interesting to watch her with Avery, because she only heard about Aaron's antics in our orphanage visits and trip home. Now, as she gets to witness this first hand.....she remarks, "mom, are you going to let her get away with that?"

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  5. Do you have any access to bubble wrap so that she can pop a lot of "little balloons"?

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    1. Thank you for the tip. But we have discovered that this obsession with popping balloons is tied in with her destructive habit of not "playing with toys" the way they are supposed to be played with. Her idea is to play with a toy for a few seconds and then in a flash, do something to try to break it. Other adoptive families and voluntary therapy groups have brought balloons before. Avery is no stranger to balloons. She is long passed the point of playing with them in any way other than popping them. We are not bringing balloons to the orphanage anymore......or anything like them! We may introduce such things back into her life in time.....

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  6. I love that you wrote this post. It gives those of us who hope to adopt in the future a concrete idea of how those behaviors can be managed. That's one of the little details I've wondered about a lot, and it's great to see how you've handled it with such confidence. You are a natural, Carey! :)

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  7. So glad she waited until everyone else went in to begin trying to assert her authority. He really knew what training you needed for her when He sent Aaron into your life first. Really glad Kasey is experiencing the entire process of this adoption. She will one day make a great missionary, adoptive parent, or blessed mom of children of her own. Thank you all for your continued obidence to His callings!

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    1. Kacey is a wonderful big sister to all of her siblings. And she has been saying she would love to work in orphanages AND wants to adopt children some day. She especially seems to love the children with DS. We have not been opposed to adopting a child with DS.....God has just not put that in our path. God is preparing Kacey's heart for something......

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  8. She sounds like quite a handful! But how great to have won the first battle... Seems Avery responds to your loving discipline - I pray that continues. Loving the photos! Especially the ones in the previous post with her pretty dress. What a darling.

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    1. She can be a handful, but everyday she seems better and better with us!

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  9. It's hard in the moment but I think it is good to work those things out at the orphanage and NOT on the plane. I am so glad she seemed to learn some boundaries and hopefully that will continue so everyone can enjoy the rest of the visits and the flight home (or at least get through it).

    And how great is God to have already prepared you with Aaron?!?!

    I love stalking, oops I mean reading your blog! I think about you guys all the time and you are covered in prayer here!

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    1. Thanks for the continued prayers and support Jamie!

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  10. Another question! lol How do the nannies discipline? Do they smack them, yell, sit them on a bench? Just curious. Many years ago in Romania I remember watching grannies(all dressed in black) sitting in the park with all the little kids in the middle of the circle. Each granny had a long (4-5 ft) stick (like off a tree) with very narrow tips. If there was misbehavior the stick was flicked on the offenders bottom or legs,( the granny never stood up) and the grannies went on talking. It was one of those moments "You're not in Kansas anymore.." See any long sticks there?

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    1. Wow! No long sticks seen here. I do know they will smack her hand when she tried to hit them. But its really hard to know what they do when we are not around. They seem to be fairly good with Avery from what I've seen. There is one nanny in particular who cares for Avery quite a bit. I think Avery is somewhat attached to her. This nanny has not been around for a few days and I think she may be trying to allow Avery to attach to us. Avery has been attaching to us more and more everyday!

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